Welwood tells us that nothing brings our core wound to the surface so fast as a relationship. Nothing reveals our triggers, our weaknesses and shows us where we are shut down to ourselves.
And I couldn’t agree more. In my romantic relationship I have faced my crushing jealousy, my fears of abandonment, developed my understanding of empathy and worked hard to be a better co parent. It’s a work in progress, and I take it on because I know that I want to be with my lover more than anything.
And thats an important point, because I can’t see why anyone would face their inner wounds unless this groovy kind of love was the prize.
Those moments when he looks at me; whispers in my ear; kisses my back. They balance out the terrible bleak times where I’m rummaging through my own psyche trying to figure out why I’m behaving so odd. And I want to keep him and enjoy this pairing, so I do the yards.
Anyway the point is that there are two steps: 1. Find someone you really like; 2. Do the work.
In fact, step 2 is a no brainer and easy to do once step 1 is fait accompli.
So without step 1 in place, I reckon it’s better to be alone. And you would feel that you prefer to be alone.
There’s more wine to go around when theres just one glass anyway.