Avoiding Pointless Cavorting 

One issue in many relationships is the level of commitment. One party to the romantic relationship (or more likely both at different times) may feel that the whole relationship-thing is just a chapter in the other persons story. They wait for their time to come to an end; always looking for pointers that the end is nigh; flipping forward to see how many paragraphs there are left before the cliffhanger. 

Is there this epiphany when a relationship tips over from filler to full-time? 

I recall with Ronnie that we once had a fight about moving to Melbourne. It got so upsetting that I jumped into my car at work and drove the 5 kms across Adelaide to his workplace. I pulled him out of the office and told him: he didn’t have to come with me. If he felt his career or his priorities were different from mine, he could stay behind, and that would be OK. He just looked at me like I was mad (which I am apparently). And at that point I realised he was “all in”, and I wasn’t. He had no idea what I was talking about with respect to us not staying together. So at that moment I went all in too. We had been together for 12 years. I can’t tell you I am certain in hid sight whether I went all in romantically or famillially. 

Anyway, back to my main point: I don’t think it’s unusual to look forward in a relationship and wonder if it’s got good legs. Its basic emotional risk management. It’s not unusual to wonder if this person is ever going to get their shit together so as to be wholly tolerable, or if they’d be better off doing something else wth someone else, or if this is just a erroneous datapoint relationship while you find your feet. But, as the bonding in the pair matures, there has to be a point at which that casting forward and mitigation of fearful circumstances comes to an end. 

Well, there doesn’t have to be. But if you don’t stop experiencing a relationship in terms of fear of its ending or worrying whether it’s a one two ten or a life time romance, then you aren’t really enjoying it in the momento. It’s the equivalent of living a life worrying about dying. It’s like forgetting to enjoy yourself in case the exciting experience comes to an end. And that’s just pointless cavorting. 


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