An advantage of compassion without action when practiced is that anyone who is trying to manipulate you will get nowhere.
Anyone who shares pain to try to get some advantage or sympathy in the form of rewards is not going to get very far.
Likely we all share pain sometimes in an indirect way to get what we want. If we are unlucky we found a sucker that reinforced the behaviour. It’s hard to break such quick tricks. On the bright side it’s good cargo for offloading later.
My plan from now on is to assume everything is fine until someone shares their pain. So if my daughter or anyone I care about is sulking, I will just say: unless you can tell me what is wrong I can’t give you my compassion and understanding. I’ll point out I can’t and won’t read minds especially when it seems delicate. Maybe I could just acknowledge that they need space before they can share what’s bothering them.
On the flip side if I can’t share my pain yet I’ll ask for space to process it. This is to either work out if I can solve it myself or to work out what I need. It all sounds so easy when I write it!
Once the pain is shared (which can be no smal feat by the way, sharing pain takes a measure of bravery); I will listen to the confession and acknowledge it only. Then I will ask if there is anything the person needs from me.
Be careful here – if their requests are around things “you” have to do, maybe you are all barking up the wrong tree. And beware the hidden shares designed to illicit your response.
A person seeking for things outside of themselves isn’t solving anything and only weights down the barrow with pebbles. I am weary of needing outside validation and reassurance. And it’s hard work thinking I need to solve all my kids problems. There has to be a better way.
When we are in pain, the heart closes and the panic we feel I reckon is actually a disconnection from our own self/spirit. That little parts of safe space that makes you “you”. If you can get this shit right I reckon you solve half your own problems. Get connected to yourself and you can never disappear.
(As an aside I reckon self-clearing works under heart-closed circumstances, by testing to find where the problem is in the body, and then clearing the associated emotion. The clearing process has always seemed a little “hocus pocus” to me (involving strength testing, and emotion charts and then clearing points on the meridian). Now I wonder if the self clearing process actually just shifts the focus back to the self and enables the re-connection. That seems to make some sense.)