In any relationship, the jostling to overlap each person’s individual values is likely done subconsiously.
It’s almost like an osmostic process to push and press the other person, give and take, while they push and press you.
Eventually, the pair meet at an energy mininum where enough (or not enough) of their values overlap.
What happens when after that process, a person just does not have the same values as you?
Under most circumstances this would be fatal to the relationship that you have with them.
The value I get stuck on the most is equality. Under at least one circumstance I can think of, I have cast off an important familial relationship that I feel is inequitable. This despite years of striving (consciously and unconsciously) for it to be equitable.
I can only hypothesise that my equality value must have a number of subsets including equality in emotional maturity and respect. Any apparent unexpected immaturity (in the form of unenlightenment) or disrespectful behaviour, is seen (by me) as inequitable and discombobulating. And blows the whole things up. Too hard basket.
I find in my current romantic relationship that I am stuck feeling a measure of inequity. Despite my attempts to have the administrational costs of my relationship (rent/car/bills) shared somewhat equally, I have met confusing resistance. Instead I find an unusual and dissatisfying financial situation involving his payment of incidentals and treats instead of the fundamentals. I can only hope it is temporary because it’s creating an internal dissonance that really bothers me. Even if I came out financially worse off because I paid half of his administration, I would prefer that the situation changed.
Money doesn’t bother me at all, in principle. But inequity does bother me to my core. I do not wish to be a kept woman, but nor do I wish to be the keeper that is compensated with extraneousity.