Molly Coddled

What’s the molly coddle? I witnessed it recently, and wonder what it’s for. 

Google defines it in synonymous with overparenting, babying, nannying. Which makes me think that in any romantic relationship it’s activation of the mother/father archetype. 

When I think of the mother archetype, I imagine it being met (ronantically) by the mated father. Mother and father meet to parent third person: child.

But, it seems that it can deviate and in fact, I can become the mother of my romantic subject.Or my romantic partner could start being paternal over me. The child is not a third person and instead is merged into the relationship. This, I don’t suppose, is a very healthy romantic-relationship-thing. 

In fact, it’s probably a deviant thing and needs to be observed and noted. (There’s no “should” or “should not” here, only a gentle noticing and option to change behaviours that could be destructive (cataclysmically or by erosion)).

I don’t think you can purposely cause or then prevent mothering (neither do I think you can cause or then prevent someone to act paternally). By which I mean, the act is generated and thereby only really preventable by the person doing it. 

If you do activate it in your romantic partner, you may wish to note which behaviours are causing that – perhaps you are playing the weak helpless child; or perhaps you are sulking and having childish tantrum which the other seeks to avoid. Or perhaps you are in your child-archetype without realising. Just notice these events as they arise (or ask to have them pointed). Optionally, stop them, if possible. Or work on ways of breaking the pattern.

My guess is that if you do not stop activating the maternal/paternal archetype in your spouse, your relationship becomes inequitable and edited. As is natural for any parent/child archetypal relationship. It shortens the shelf-life.

On point, if my reported negative feelings were to activate a desire in the other person to help me (paternally), I feel grateful for that. Rather than needing a father to guide me, however, the help might come in the form of him seeing me as a powerful maiden at normal war and peace with her own inner emotional turmoil. Him acknowledging it and allowing me to feel my joys and my pains would be a great gift. And letting it all run through me with openness and honesty would feel fine. I hope I can do the same in return. 

I suppose to love is to cause and/or see the others joy and pain. And to accept the joy AND to relish the pain. Don’t be afraid of the pain that is shown as a gift only to the others that we trust. 


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