Fear of risks (day 5)

I wish I hadn’t done that. 

This is the task: 

1. When I was a kid, my sister and I must have really pissed my mum off and she threw us out of the house. She said she didn’t love us anymore. It was awful. It was also a storm or rain (in my mind the apocalyspse) and we ended up at my neighbours place. Rachel. Aged 7. Rachel was very disobedient and very rude to her mum. I didn’t like her house much – the floors were parquet and it was the reverse floor plan to ours. The whole thing was like it was just twisted by 180′. Which hurt my brain. Anyways, fuck knows why I am telling this story. We hid in the cupboard. My sister and I were crying. I was reasonably sure my mum didn’t want us and I didn’t like this new weird house. I was very frightened and very lonely. Who knows what I had done to cause the situation – been an annoying kids probably. But I have no idea. Anyway I am sorry for taking whatever risk that was. But now I think of it I am also sorry for being rude whenever my friend Rachel was, because that always made me feel a bit uncomfortable. Must have felt risky to a 7 year old I suppose. 

2. JeeeeeZ these old memories are such a bore. I really don’t like it – the delving back. 

Ok, another something involving I wish I hadn’t done that: oh when I was about 13 I picked up my little sister and dropped her and broke her leg. We were in Scotland and she couldnt walk very well on the pebbles back to the caravan. We were with my dad over Easter holidays. I picked her up around her waist and carried her but she slipped. I used to carry her to bed every night (because she is handicapped and it was quicker than waiting for her to walk up the stairs). But she was 8 and she has always been very overweight. Anyway, I impacted her leg with a spiral fracture. We didn’t know, she just went weird and my dad was trying to figure it out. Eventually, we took her to the hospital in Scotland. I never told anyone it was me. Dad had to drive her home which was like Melbourne to Syndey drive time (to an English person this may as well be another country (which it was lol)). Yeah, I am sorry I did that. 

3. We threw rocks at the ice cream van. A bunch of us kids on the street. We villianised him because we saw him smoking and it became like some weird little kid frenzy thing. Our parents went fecking nuts. That risk at showing how assertive I could be (at the age of 6) certainly (and quite rightly) did not pay off. 

Most of the risks I have taken have paid off. I don’t think I have any significant fear of taking risks. 

Just because something is risky and then you don’t do it, doesn’t mean there’s fear? Does there. 

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