Fear of success (day 2) 

Now to write three times I have been successful… and that came with problems. 

Oh; first one pops into my mind:

1. As a kid I went to lots of different primary schools for some reason. One time I drew a picture of an elephant in class – in pencil – and it must have been pretty good. I kept it in my desk (lift up lid). The teacher must have singled me out. And given me praise. I remember feeling like I had done something good, but the other kids seemed annoyed with me. I felt isolated and unfriendable. I guess I had no social standing. After that I tried to hide if I knew stuff. I joined the ornithology club and even though I knew answers to questions they posed, I said nothing. Hilarious. Really I did join that ornithology club. No wonder they teased me. Lol. Immature conclusion: success leads to alienation. 

2. Here’s another: also art related (?). I won a competition for drawing a half an apple (?). At a different school this time. But even though I had been successful, they sent the drawing back and said they didn’t believe a 9 year old drew it. I remember feeling really disappointed and treated very unfairly. And no one stuck up for me. That sucked. Immature: success isn’t always recognised and no one cares. 

3. A recent event? Hmmm recently I successfully changed my inner spirit to a much happier place. And in the process I broke hearts and hurt a lot of people. Conclusion: to be successful I have to be selfish and hurt people. 

All that success resentment is held in my face and mouth. And pouty lips. In each case I feel isolated and annoyed. Now there is anger. I am annoyed that I didn’t get to be glorious in my success. 


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