Huh. It turns out I have a discipline issue.
By this I mean that at some point, I decided I didn’t really understand what all the fuss was about in detail and somehow I could gloss over it and make it look the same.
That it didn’t really matter if I just sort of winged it half the time. Because no one seemed to notice.
Likely this stems from not having enough role models that pass on the importance of discipline, and/or a personality that lends itself to not having any discipline.
I’m not even really sure what I mean by discipline. But I mean taking it seriously; not giving up; following a process; having respect; having pride.
I’m not sure if this is a good thing (the lack or lapse or deficiency of discipline) but I suspect it is not.
Now, not to be too hard on myself, I know I have some discipline. But I am not very disciplined in my application of my discipline.
Or perhaps I learned it too late so it’s not innate. Or maybe I have a personality type that makes it not natural.
Furthermore, if I need (or perhaps more accurately if I am pushed to) I can sink into a very disciplined regime. I was lucky enough to work along side an old fella once (boss) who relentlessly instilled discipline into my work. I still have the remnants of that but I can feel it sipping away.
It’s not self generated at best.
My new partner has ooodles of discipline. And likely I have confused him since I appear to have some but not a full complement. I am a picnic short of a few sandwiches.
Why for is this issue up for discussion? Well, partly it’s related to my quest to understand the way I feel about business. My guess is this patchy discipline is affecting my esteem somewhere and creating subservience.
In the hippy world, an absence of discipline can actually be an advantage (a goal). And likely many of the techniques they develop are designed to unpick someone too tightly wound.
As an aside, I suspect that someone that deviates too far from discipline – and knows it – starts to thrash out that dissonance through rage against hipocrosy. It’s not how it should be they cry. But it’s always someone else’s problem.