Many times I have watched a movie and seen something different in it to what I saw before. It speaks to changes in maturity, I think. 

Tonight I watched: Xanadu. 

To set the scene: when my parents separated and life was changing my sisters and I were aged 9, 7 and 5. I was the 9 year old. 

We watched Xanadu. Not just once but one million times. I could almost script it. Every word was memorised and I watched it. Escapism. Everyone was too busy to tell me anything, so I absorbed a movie.

(Funny to notice I didn’t recall the words, so much as I did the song lyrics. Verbatim. But I knew every word of the script).

I saw exactly what I saw when I was 9. 

Thirty years later I saw the same. Not much more. Except maybe that Olivia has fat ankles. 

I watched the movie with my 7 year old kids. Let’s assume they saw what I saw then; I saw what they saw now; I saw what an adult would see. 

I danced and sung a lot. 

Here is what I did see that maybe I didn’t know then that I saw: a love story. 

A girl that plays with men that desire her, and then accidentally really falls in love with one. The “one” is a genius, subversive and gorgeous, and he loves her too. It’s plain and simple. 

At first I thought Sonny (the boy) was Ronnie, my husband, but naigh. I just married someone I thought looked like a Sonny. Well he dressed the same. The guy I really fell in love with (true love) is some fella where I was busy being a muse. I wasn’t supposed to love him. I think he is my first love. 

I have lived my life as a muse. Emulating a movie. I have skated through guys lives being their muse and then skating off. 

I even went after the older Danny McGuire type guys. I absorbed the Australian accent and curled my hair. I stopped short of roller skates (but only for practicalities). 

Sonny catches kira… and my guy captured me. Forbidden love, I am not supposed to be caught. But I am and I escape. We have to sing for my release. 

The disappointing thing for my life template is that Kira, the muse, has no actual role in life other than to catalyse men in their dreams. 

If this is my mimic in life: It’s done. 

I wonder what Kira did next. Kira has to figure out how to use that skill of “opening” in romantic relationships and turn it into something that means more, especially now she has sonny and ain’t gonna be meeting no more fellas. 

A new age had come.  



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