Imagine I have a value set that delimits my personality. I might not know where the edges are, but imagine it’s an outer periphery: “ultimate me” exists expanded out to the edges of all that is possible in my psyche.
In fact, I, like many others live in a much smaller area of myself for reasons of fear, habit, laziness, contentment. I am a smaller version of me.
However, some people are on a mission to push boundaries and open their minds. Find outer edges. Cross them if they have to and then come back where appropriate.
After all: he who conquers himself conquers all.
If someone tries to prevent a person from exploring a part of themselves, they might eventually subvert them. Like a weed growing in concrete. They might explore something anyway, but without sharing it. The point is that explore or not, share or not, the area of that person remains ripe for exploration. Until we (any one of us) goes there we don’t know what it looks like. Without prejudice.
This blog isn’t about me, anyway, it’s about relationships. In a relationship with someone else, I accept that they are the similar big expansive person possibly living inside their own smaller comfort zone. Perhaps even the most learned hippy I know is still only at 50%-60% of his/her full space potential.
I feel that I have no right to prevent someone else from exploring everything about themselves. This I feel empathically keenly because I desire the freedom myself.
I think it’s pointless to stop the another person from developing, using for example weapons, editing, manipulation of some other sort, emotional blackmail. Because, if I were to know that person vampyrically, they will explore those parts of themselves eventually anyway, so it may as well be now. Furthermore, we may as well know the relational outcome now. If we don’t like each other once one or the other of us has expanded, we can move on and likely both gladly.
In which logical scenario, I feel jealously but I no longer acknowledge it as useful. At best it is a tool used to prevent someone from evolving away from the little nugget space they currently occupy. Better to let them explore and sample and then come back to the relationship if they want it. This statement sounds like a meme (“…if you love someone set them free…”) but, in fact, I feel it deeply. If you love someone feel your jealously, and judge it with prejudice. Say yes to all things. A yes to opportunity shuts down fear. A yes to fear shuts down opportunity. And the more opportunities we take the more we walk close to the ultimate version of the me.
(Written from a moment of no jealousy feelings and generally based on observation).