It was postulated yesterday that most romantic relationships have on average a -30% IRR. I cannot disagree with based on the evidence as presented to me by mankind. It was further a postulate that there are only a very small number of romantic relationships (at the upper say 5%) on the Gaussian distribution that are getting a +IRR.
I think almost everyone wants to be in the +tail. Hardly anyone would end up under the negative umbrella of their own volition. My last relationship probably hovered around the low +, to 0, to low -. But eventually the effort required for me to keep it around 0 started to, in itself, push the IRR negative and then further negative. The effort expended to get towards the + just didn’t become worth it and I called it. I would not stay in a zero, or negative IRR relationship if there was any exit out.
In my current relationship the amount of effort expended is considerable. I invest that effort in myself (lets call that neutral (0) because I would do that anyway); in my ability to relate; and also in meticulous (relentless sometimes) communication. The effort would push it too far negative if the little man beast that I had found wasn’t the most fascinatingly gorgeous, kind, interesting, irritating, loving, annoying, funny, sexy and amazing creature on the planet. He can create for me a +IRR just by spending a few hours over a beer and a smoke.
Two of my very good friends have recently embarked upon placing themselves on the romantic relationship curve, and already I can see a problem. In fear of being hurt, used, blamed, accused, wounded, they both appear to have folded up like flowers to protect themselves. I can tell them categorically, no one up in the +IRR part of the curve is closed. The only way to relate is completely open. This isn’t an excuse to eject everything that is inside of you; the opening has to be measured, controlled and rational (except when its not). But it has to be fully open to listening, to changing, to accepting and to being loved. Forget whether you can love someone, opening yourself to being loved is where all the challenge is. And if you cant open to doing that, you will regress to the mean, which rather than sliding down some fun slippery curve, actually requires a considerable hike up the curve hill, after which you will be completely exhausted and disappointingly disillusioned.