Today my husband (expostfacto) tells me he doesn’t want any more kids. He doesn’t want to give up too much of himself again.
It took a few hours for this nugget to really sink in.
I don’t know what he means really. But I sort of do when set in the greater context of our life. He feels that he lost himself in being a parent. He thinks that being a parent has taken a toll on him. That the kids have somehow drained him of who he really is
To be honest, I think that’s a steaming pile of morherfucking bullshit. To put it kindly. …
What I think kids do is make you see yourself. You don’t give up yourself in which case unless you don’t like what you see.
Kids reveal your weaknesses. Your sensitivity. They can bring out the best in you and crikey they can bring out the worst.
I think what he means is: I don’t want to see myself in a mirror any more. I want to distance myself from any experience that makes me have to learn, grow, face my own frailty, suck it up.
You can’t give up what you don’t own. He thinks he lost everything and yet he had nothing to lose.