As a parent, a mummy, I like being on my own with my kids. When I am alone they hardly stress me out at all.
They annoy me all the time when I am alone, of course, but I dissipate it physically and verbally. Sometimes I just jump up and down and scream, and then they laugh at me, and I admit, usually I laugh a bit too. Othertimes, I have a verbal tirade. Usually with lots of swear words. It’s usually followed by my admission of a tantrum and rarely does it last long. I’m usually very honest and content with them.
I hardly ever try to be the judge in their arguments, or dish out punishment based on my assessment. Generally, I just crack it when they piss me off. The punishments in the form of a very rare “time-out “are about me venting my frustration. I don’t know if that’s right or wrong.
Honestly I don’t think about it too much. Of all the things I do in life; of all the relationships I have; this mother-child relationship is the one I analyse the least. I don’t over think it or punish myself.
There must be some behaviour I don’t approve of, because I feel different when witnessed. I get much more stressed. I expect it’s perceived bad behaviour, which I have excused in myself. So the build up isn’t released as it usually would be. Mostly, the release behaviour is probably a bit of laziness sprinkled with a lot of honesty and sometimes a bit of crazy.
I don’t want to be judged by my co-parent, but I suppose I have to take on some feedback. Even just typing that makes me screw my nose up.
I would rather my co-parent (in the form of a permanent or temporary person) does it their way and never turns to me to enforce something they don’t like. Looking at me with a furrowed brow and a comment: are you going to do something about that? Is just about the most awful thing my coparent can do to me. My mum has done that sometimes and it’s hopeless. If he or she instead just takes action, I will probably go with it. I have hardy any problem with any discipline regime done with reasonable intentions (not malicious, wicked or mean). And actually, I quite like it when another person fills their own needs to control a situation (to whatever extent necessary) and doesn’t pass that indirectly to me.
I usually also take on the unvented stress in my co-parent. But again as experienced with my mum, and sometimes my exhusband, I know it’s pointless to feel the negative empathy and then try to control children to meet a third party expectations. It’s like trying to sweep leaves in the wind. Of course the whole thing gets even more complicated when you don’t want the co-parent to get frustrated and leave. That adds an extra layer of complex.
I’ve always parented very instinctively. I know there are faults and I hardy want to fix them. I think because I enjoy the relationship the way it is. And they seem like clever happy little kids, so I don’t think it’s a broken regime. But a doubt has crept in. For the first time. A little doubt.
It’s not a worry. Probably the doubt is just the strangeness of even noticing that I have a relationship I haven’t really examined. My plan is to ignore it, and do nothing. This is presently my favourite course of action in almost all situations.