I’m a cactus with a conditional love scab 

My xhusband was big on conditions. And I don’t mean impliedly so, I mean he ran the whole game around them. 

“This is my condition and if you don’t meet it, you’re out.”

So I have a conditional love scab. In the nape of my neck. 

Do you know the little fecker has been there for years; at least ten years. 

And it will go, on the condition that I lovingly apply a certain cream every few loving hours for a few loving days. I have done it before. I genuinely can’t be arsed to do it again, because it comes back. 

I almost have to prove to my love scarab that I can meet loving conditions – I resonate with the irony. 

Just recently I had some conditions placed around my romantic love. They were implied and they made me sad/mad.

The conditions are fears. Other people’s fears that they will be hurt. Now I see, that the conditions have nothing to do with love! They are the circumstances under which the other person can tolerate to be loving, which is a certain potentially vulnerable state. The conditions are about another persons sensitivities. 

The reason that romantic love is conditional is because we get in close to each other and when we get that deep there are only certain things we can tolerate without it otherwise being too emotionally painful. 

I can see now that I am easy to love, and difficult to tolerate once you love me. 

That I can understand. 

If I was to describe my self in relation to a plant I would say I am a cactus. I can love and tolerate to love under exceptionally arid and harsh conditions. 

Not everyone is a cactus. Wow. 

  

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