Poly Filler 

When I see my ex husband I realise it’s my empathy for his dissonance that gets me. It’s traumatising (to be dramatic, darlings). 

When on my own now, I am in a magical place; but I am sensitive to his dissonance gap when in his company.

This is perhaps because I realise I have  an ability to change his gap. I can make things more like how he “thinks” they should be. In fact, I’ve been busy filling gaps for him for years. Habitually.

I also realise that I am sensitive to other people’s gaps when I feel it’s in my power to close them. It might be the disappointment I know it will inflict when someone hopes I am available for a snog but I reveal I am not (imagine their chargrin! I am in love!). 

I just dislike seeing people with big old gaps. Recently, I started trying to match-make for a friend who I can see just wants to find a new fellas after her ended marriage. Its a habit to jump in and try to help. Indiana Jones style: moving pillars. 

It’s a kind of wanting to help that comes naturally, so I have to override it; cause I’m starting to see it ain’t no help to anyone at all.


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