When I see my ex husband I realise it’s my empathy for his dissonance that gets me. It’s traumatising (to be dramatic, darlings).
When on my own now, I am in a magical place; but I am sensitive to his dissonance gap when in his company.
This is perhaps because I realise I have an ability to change his gap. I can make things more like how he “thinks” they should be. In fact, I’ve been busy filling gaps for him for years. Habitually.
I also realise that I am sensitive to other people’s gaps when I feel it’s in my power to close them. It might be the disappointment I know it will inflict when someone hopes I am available for a snog but I reveal I am not (imagine their chargrin! I am in love!).
I just dislike seeing people with big old gaps. Recently, I started trying to match-make for a friend who I can see just wants to find a new fellas after her ended marriage. Its a habit to jump in and try to help. Indiana Jones style: moving pillars.