The author gives the explanation of a man returning home from work after a busy day and finding chaos. The man makes a comment to his tired wife about the irritating mess. His wife retorts and they start to argue.
As a psychiatrist, he has seen many of these scenarios thrown up for discussion. His point is that in many cases the man in the scenario will see that logically it wasn’t wise or fair to make the comment.
The man is Stressed at work because he feels or of control. He comes home for solace and finds more disorganisation, lack of control and responsibility. His reaction is emotionally and not related at all to the actual trike in the driveway.
Without addressing the emotional issue, the behaviour along the theme continues. The author argues this is because you cannot remove with logic that which was not out there by logic in the first place.
Instead, the man is futilely trying to logic away something illogical – feelings.
I identify with the logic/illogic situation. There have been many occasions when my logic tells me my reaction is inappropriate, but my feelings betray me. It could be a little thing like an untidy house, an overlooked beer and pizza date, or a timely phone call to a friend overseas.
I like reading his musings on the subject because it chapterises something I experience myself. And his solution:
“… In order to effect a change, identify the emotional need and find a way to satisfy it in a way that does not offend the one on whom your happiness depends”.
I don’t necessarily agree exactly with that statement, but I see the principle.
It’s exactly what try to do. I’m not saying I’m any good at it.