Oh wow, now after the next two pages I have redefined some things I thought about romantic love.
He argues that love is not what we say but what we do. We are a verbal species living our lives in a web of spoken delusions. He argues to focus on what a person does, not what they say.
Consider for example this phrase:
“He does inconsiderate things, but i know he loves me.”
He argues that this statement is oxy-moronic.
I think he is right in a way, but also it isn’t that straightforward.
The behaviour of “being in love” doesn’t necessarily follow the feeling. Some people feel it and shut down. Or behave erratically or inconsiderately because they can’t deal with the vulnerability.
I suppose he is being overly simplistic. Instead maybe what he is saying is that there is some love worth having, and some not. And there is some love worth giving and some not.