I have never wanted to win the lottery. Money does funny things to people and it debases almost every incentive that I have to do some “things”. Like get up in the morning, drop my kids at care, go to work; I do those things because I have to. And the “have” to is important.
If I won a lot of money I wouldn’t have to do anything. I could get up late; spend the day doing nothing. I might actually have to find something that meant something to me apart from the “should” and “have to’s”. This is quite the thought. Don’t underestimate the pressure on you to find meaning in something when you have … nothing.
Recently, I have started to feel that I would like a little more freedom. A bit of money does provide that. I considered that just enough money might allow me to have a day off every now and again. A day to do random.
I could set up a small business that uses the services I offer in my job. If I felt like a day off, that business could become a client of my firm: order (and pay for) two days, or so, of my services, and I could then spend those days as I pleased. Is this unethical? I have no idea. The point is I would still hit my “billable target” and presumably everyone is happy.
Importantly I want to retain my target and contribute towards a firm wide budget. Just having days off won’t cut it. I want to be stellar, even bill more than was asked of me; go above and beyond.
What does this say about my flimsy professional self esteem?
Of course this idea doesn’t make sense to anyone else because the money I would effectively be giving to my employer would be more than I would receive in salary in return. I’m not saying it makes sense.
The point is, for some reason, I need to work. I need to feel a part of a professional collective and I want to prove myself to others. “Working the system” can (in my world) sit happily alongside these professional wants and needs.
It has also occurred to me that the same effect could be achieved by meeting a millionaire. If he wanted to spend the day with me, he just has to cover the couple of grand ($$) that I need to bill on my time sheet that day. To do that all I need to do is set up an account and bill him to a code. It sounds a little bit Lolita. But I can assure you, it would work.