Hot cappuccino in a take away cup theorum

The loss of yourself in a personal relationship is fatal.

You won’t even know it’s happened. Until you escape the thing and feel the liberation! 

I’m not saying don’t compromise and sometimes you will do stuff you don’t want to do. But make damn sure you have healthy dollops of stuff that turns you on. 

Having said this, there’s a flip side. You have to encourage your partner to do their own thing. (Or at least don’t discourage). And often times it won’t be stuff you find interesting – that’s because it’s not about you. 

If your partner wants to go to a Barbara Striesand concert, and you would rather poke a knitting needle in their eye, there’s no need to make them feel stupid about it. You are likely a person who’s opinion they respect and self-editing can happen pretty quick under such conditions. 

The same is true about lots of little foibles you like about yourself but the other person doesn’t. There’s a two way obligation to stick to your guns; and not to bully the other into a relationship conformist position.

What I mean is: keep your sense of self; and allow your partner the safe space to be themselves. It takes two to tango really well. You might be better at one side than the other.

It might even start with the little things, like what coffee you order in a restaurant. If you like one thing, but your partner thinks you should have something else, it’s an easy slip to the loss of self (caused by you) and the “enabling” of loss of self (caused by your partners behaviour).

The solution is communication, observation and functional behaviours.