In the Red

Ok, if the bottom drops out and your heart starts beating and your hands start shaking, then imagine that your nervous system just got overloaded.

For some reason (for some reason haha) my system is especially sensitised at the moment.

Here is my plan when it occurs.

1. to just allow it and not try to over-analyse why it happened
2. to decrease as much stimulus “in” as possible
3. to dissociate for as long as feels reasonable
4. if possible be alone even if it feels like a good idea to connect
5. eat and drink something
6. then suck it the fuck up

I think I have completely ignored my nervous system overload signals my whole life. Sometimes I live in such a charged state I wonder how I can even function. In fact, secretly, I wonder if I even quite “like” it or at least have become an addict.

The only reason I wish to stop now, is because I think it causes coping behaviours over which I have little control. And because I am always interested in little personal projects. Furthermore, just recently I have gotten so worked up that I think I might just tip myself over into some kind of hysteria*. Which is not useful to anyone.

*authors note: I am way to stubborn to become hysterical


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