I once left the bosom of my profession to join the circus. It wasn’t really the circus, but it may as well have been. It was a big risk for a small person. Its all relative.
It made me very anxious to leave the comfort of the professional brethren with whom I work. With them I feel that I belong to something that means something. I have a social status and a credibility. It bothered me that it bothered me so much. When people asked me what I did for a job, I would say I was an attorney having a mid-life crisis. I did not like losing my professional identity.
With the help of a counsellor, I realised that I judged myself according to what I did for a job. I cared about what other people thought of me. I cared about being accepted into the professional Club. It bothered me that it bothered me so much. It did not bother the counsellor, she said lots of people measure themselves using all sorts of yard-sticks and social status and career was but one of the many usual.
Recently, a friend asked me: will you always be an attorney? The question bothered me because it wasn’t what it meant on the surface. I think what they were really asking is: do you desire change and growth and adventure in your life. Or are you happy to sit in the comfortable rut you have created for yourself?
The truth is, I do not want to be just an attorney when I grow up. I want to be something as-of-yet undefined. I want to change and grow and adventure using my character and skills. However, right now under these specific circumstances it suits me to sit in the situation I have created for myself. I am playing it smart, but eventually I will get restless.
I don’t have any plan for what I would like to do next. Except to say that my plan is not to be here in a few years time.