More condiments please 

There is neither toothpaste nor shampoo on this ward. I have asked multiple blue nurses in running shoes to no avail. 

Why would that be? In all other respects it’s like a hotel, but there are no human condiments. 

I would have my own if Ronnie had brought the correct toiletry bag, but he brought the old one which contains two dildos, a hairbrush and some black nail varnish. Thanks dude, you must think I am having a party tonight I said as I unpacked it. 

Why wouldnt large brands be giving away their free samples to a hospital? I am sick and in need of love and care and there to my rescue is Dove?! And I am forevermore a Dove brand fanboy. Or Pantene is on hand and suddenly I realise my dry split endz could be solved by a brand switch. 

It’s that easy guys. 

  

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