Hole in the Wall

I find having a pedicure at one of those professional salons a very odd experience.

Today, as I sat and looked around all I could see where white middle-aged women and white, young over-tanned blondes being pandered to by young Asian girls. The former (middle-aged crew) were having their ugly feet scraped of callouses; the latter (the barbies) were having multi-coloured talons applied (or reapplied more likely).

Almost all of the western women were staring at their phones, reading a magazine, one women was actually reading a book with her free hand. The Asian girls made no attempt at conversation and instead had a sort of glazed look, some of them just gazing out of the door as if they could bolt at any moment.

The pedicure itself took ages and included a foot spa and massage. This was largely unnecessary as all I wanted was for someone to paint my nails because I couldn’t be arsed, but I suppose it is nice that they made my skin all soft. A part of the process included a leg massage partly with a exfoliating scrub; partly with a rough pumice like stone; and finally with the girls hands.

My servant (for want of a better term and this accurately describes how I felt about it) hurt me with the scrub mostly because she didnt realise the legs before her eyes were actually attached to a human. Then she hurt me with her pumice stone because… she thought my foot was a rock. I said nothing, for no apparent reason, it just seemed rude to say anything – almost as if it might scare her. Finally she massaged me with her hands. I spent a while trying to figure out what the touch was; it certainly wasn’t to make me feel nice (so it wasn’t a giving touch) and it wasn’t for her curiosity or interest (so it wasn’t an absorbing touch), it was more like a robot touch. I think the touch quadrant needs another box.

None of this bothered me at all except to say the experience was perhaps at odds with any apparent intent. If the intention was for indulgence they failed. If the intention was for an efficient and functional process, they failed because it took bloody ages and why bother with the massaging. They may as well cut that out.

Why not go the whole hog an just have me put my legs through a hole in the wall. All the white women can sit one side with a handy shelf for putting the reading material. All the Asian girls can be on the other and they don’t have to bother to make any polite conversation or look at our stupid faces. I could be in and out in 5 minutes.


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