On the plane I am 57B but there’s some space cadet in my seat. He is 58B, but she in that seat is 58A. 58A (with a shock of bizarre hair) is revealed to be 57A – my intended unknown travel partner – a lucky escape maybe. Nevertheless I am left without a spot.
I look at them all in disbelief and call the attendant. Without wishing to be rude, I explain, I expect we are assigned seats for a reason but maybe it’s just a free-for-all on this plane (I am not happy).
The attendant does the same round as me but is quickly confused. So 57A, I ask, where is your seat? 57D he replies and we all turn around. 57D shrugs: I am further towards the front, he adds, but I wanted to sit up here.
The attendant suggests they all stand up and get back to where they are supposed to be. Fuckwits.
Hang on, I say (being incredibly reasonable and rational, maybe the most sensible on the plane in my own deluded mind) where up the front? 47B he replies. And that spot is vacant.
So I take it. Mental note, if this plane crash lands no one will ever be able to say for sure who is who and where. These rules are not made for China.