Made up

I heard a rumour that a strong father figure can delay the onset of sexualisation in a girl and thereby make her less susceptible to being a tramp and a victim. I paraphrase.

The pleasant wise peasants amongst us would simply state it to be true and need not an explanation. It just is.

I can see the logic, but I want to know why. I don’t have peasant wisdom that I can generate myself so I have to test everything to make sure it’s true or to find the limits. It’s Newtonian wisdom or something.

I expect that a strong father figure does not delay the onset of sexualisation at all and instead it happens like it or not, but what the archetypal father figure provides is an input in that doesn’t respond to the sexualised attention seeking. If you are a young woman tarted up and all your male attention and “needs to be loved” are suddenly met through sex, then I expect this is a slippery slope you will follow. There are plenty examples around in Pop culture. However, if you are casting out and experimenting with your sexual prowess and finding your needs just as equally met by a loving father that is asexual towards you, then chances are the sexy eventually falls into line with everything else.

Now I know this, I can see that the more men around that can provide the asexual input the better. Close to me (living within 100km of my
home) from the age of 9, I had exactly zero such men in my life. The importance of extended family! Or maybe at least one caring and loving brother.

If/when my daughter wears too much makeup I know my husband will look at her and say: darling it makes me sad to see you like that because I feel I have lost my little girl. It is exactly something he would say. But I would say to him (in private) after much thought about it, that the approach bothers me (notwithstanding that it is instinctive and loving). I don’t think my daughter should be coerced by emotions into doing anything a man wants just because “he” feels sad or bad about it. Not even her dad – especially not so actually. This is as slippery a slope as any other.

Instead, I would say maybe it’s time for him to have some serious chats with her about being a grown-up woman and what that means. So I would suggest her dad sit down with her at a quiet time and have some talks about sex and men and life. And if she was too embarrassed or suggested it was all too early maybe he could suggest that the makeup made him think of her as growing up and if it was gone he might likely forget the needs for these conversations for the time being. I am not suggesting manipulation here, just a natural progression of reasonable events pointed to with oily evidence.

And if that didn’t work I would say: Genevieve you look like a clown! I am not going out with you until you wipe at least half of that off!

Newtonian logic: Do as I say not as I do.

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